* Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.
* Keep America beautiful, swallow your beer cans.
* If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
* Drive defensively, buy a tank.
* I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
* Famous last words: Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
* Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
* Famous last words: Don't worry, it's not loaded.
* It doesn't matter how hard you've studied;
the material won't be on the exam anyway.
* If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
* Life is just one of those things.
* Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!
* You know it's going to be a bad day
when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
* I can handle pain until it hurts.
* It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.
* Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
* You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
* You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
* If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
* If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
* I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.
* Never give a sucker an even break; take everything you can from him.
* Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.
* It's only a game until you lose.
* If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
* How 'bout coming up to my place for a spot of heavy breathing?
* Love isn't love until you give it away.
* I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
* I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
* I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
* Where does it go? It doesn't matter. Flush it.
* The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
* Save the whales, collect the whole set.
* If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
* LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
* Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
* Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
* If all else fails, throw up.
* Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.
* If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
* If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it?
* My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
* In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
* The real trick to carrying on is not getting carried away.
* Life's a tough job, and the hours are a bitch.
* Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.
* Kinky sex is for those who can't handle normal sex.
* Hugs don't feel as good on the computer.
* Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
* Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will
fear no evil, for I am the meanest sonofabitch in the valley.
* Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
* Never open a book before 4 p.m. Sunday. (Rule of Weekend Studying)
* Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
* Have a nice day . . . somewhere else.
* Life without bears would be unbearable.
* Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.
* Life is too important to be taken seriously.
* Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
* Do unto others before they do unto you.
* I don't think I'd be so bored if I didn't have so much to do.
* Never trust a nun with a gun.
* It's an IBM; it's got an excuse.
* IBM: The stupidity goes in when the name goes on.
* Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
* Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?
* I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.
* Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
* I should have known better; every happy moment in my life came from lying.
