Man's infunctioning Parts...

A man has 27 parts that don't work for him.
20 nails that don't nail
1 belly button that doesn't button
2 tits that don't milk
1 cock that doesn't crow
2 balls that don't bounce
1 ass that doesn't do any work
So what are you women smiling at?
You have a pussy that doesn't catch mice!

Toilet Paper...

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet
rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes
over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that
he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she
begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face
with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him." she says,
running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly in trouble. Is
there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues
huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing
him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper
in the ladies room."

The Mind of a Woman...

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around
and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked
the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will
grant you one wish, but only one."

The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to
Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and
ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So I wish for a road to be
built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and
said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work
involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one
other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to
understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they
tempermental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically,
what makes them tick?"

The genie considered for a few minutes and said,
"So, do you want two lanes or four?"