Woman

A Chemical Analysis

   ELEMENT:       Women
   SYMBOL:        Wo
   DISCOVERER:    Adam
   ATOMIC MASS:   Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
   OCCURRENCES:   Copious quantities in all urban areas

   
   PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
   1. Surface usually covered in painted film
   2. Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
   3. Melts if given special treatment
   4. Bitter if incorrectly used
   5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
   6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places
  

  CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
   1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
   2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
   3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason
   4. Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of
       alcohol
   5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
   
 

  COMMON USES:
   1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
   2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
   3. Very effective cleaning agent
   

   TESTS:
   1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
   2. Turns green when placed beside a betta specimen

  
   HAZARDS:
   1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
   2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
       different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct
       contact with each other